That all??
8 inch bowie knife, claw hammer, Police issue ASP, Police issue riot baton, 350,000 volt stun gun all in easy reach of my front door

its like a chav injury buffet
I applaud your preparedness sir!
Ms. Mako was sitting in her Mongy in C:MK some years back, waiting to pick up a friend. Engine and lights off. She heard a scraping noise from behind her, so opened her door to see what it was.
That's why the keying - which had started on the rear quarter (driver's side) ended at the B-pillar. She came face-to-face with the scumbag who was keying her car as she sat in it.
A few minutes later after a brief chase, she had the following conversation with 999;
MM: "Some scrote has just keyed my car! Can you please send someone?"
999: "We don't have anyone available at the moment - could you possibly come to the station?"
MM: "I don't think he's going to come quietly and I don't really want to move right now."
999: "...Wh...where is he?"
MM: "I have the heel of my boot on his throat"
About 2 minutes later, two police Astras rocked up and relieved her of her burden. In this day and age I would expect her to be counter-charged for assault, but she actually won the case and was awarded the price of a respray and what was called a "Face-to-face with the victim."
Needless to say, she got neither.